Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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