I could have mohawked her pubes.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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