Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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