we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
