Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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