I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
