Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
