I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
