return my video game
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
