If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
