I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
