so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sorry my hands just texted you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
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Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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