I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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