drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
