I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
