Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
