i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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