Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
