and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
