I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
