I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
