I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
