is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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