Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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