Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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