I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
