I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
