I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You need Xanax blowdarts
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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