He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
