I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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