I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize