dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
