i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
