Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
