Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
