Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
