Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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