Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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