"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
