Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
