Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
