I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
