I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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