I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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