with your own penis?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
