ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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