I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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