I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
