Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
