My underwear smells like fireworks.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
