I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
