why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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