Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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