i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
