Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think a kid would responsible me up
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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