I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize