sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
