So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
