I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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