You made me cry and you don't even care
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
