my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
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please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
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You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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