I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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