these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
