I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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