do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
