If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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