I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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