I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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