i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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