She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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