After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
