he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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